No Plan Survives

No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

- Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke


Every few months I have to shoot a couple of months worth of magazine covers for our various parenting magazines. These shoots almost universally involve taking photos of kids, from newborns to about 10-year-olds. Kids...they bring a unique set of challenges.

Magazine covers need to pop more, need a extra over the inside images, and are worth, because they're the first thing anyone is going to see who might decide to pick-up our magazines. So we put in the extra work to make the photos work better. We rent studios, we scout locations.

So on Monday of last week I was supposed to shoot a cover, it fell apart due to rain. The idea was to have a very fall (the season) photo. We were thinking fall colors. Since the shoot fell apart and I was already at the location I figured I'd spend the time location scouting. (I had already planned two hours in before the original shoot to scout, but as the reschedule was for 8am, I figured I'd do it at that point in the rain because I wouldn't have time before the reschedule.)

So I go out, hunt locations with my assistant, look for good trees, take test shoots and notes. On Sunday the group of us get there, go to our location and start shooting. The trees have changed a bit, so there's some on the fly adapting, but that's normal. We shoot for about 3 minutes, make some changes, basically just get some test shots done, get ready to start again, and the subject, a 2-year-old girl, just falls apart. She's done. This is shockingly normal.

At this point the other person from the office and I decided we needed a change of venue, namely some place where we would have something for the subject to play with. With kids, when in doubt, distract them from whatever is making them unhappy, usually by giving them something to play with. Actually, this works with adults also, but we won't talk about that.

We went over to the Children's Play Area. We found a spot, we went with it, we made it work. At the end of the day the hours of prep work amounted to 3 minutes and about 30 frames of return. I find that this actually about normal.

Which raises a question, why still do it?

It still surprises me how little the planning helps directly, and how much of a difference it makes. There is something about the planning process, it sorts the thoughts, it creates a structure, a framework to hang the rest of the shoot off of. It's like the steel framework of a building. It doesn't tell you what the final building will look like, but a good framework will is vital to building a strong building no matter what the final structure is.

The part of the process where we have meetings, it gets everybody on the same page, it gets ideas out there, and it gets communication started. Again, it creates a framework so when we start improvising we're improvising towards the same goal, improvising starting from the same page. And in the end, we get a better product the better prepared we are. I'm sure that the planning would be even more valuable if we had subjects that didn't bring a high level of unpredictability.

As it is, it makes all the difference in the world.




P.S. Oh, and if you wonder what I do when the child is crying. I check my exposure, look for new compositions, and laugh, sometimes to myself, sometimes out loud, and fidget some too.

P.P.S. And yeah, I like the later ones much better also.

P.P.P.S. And if anyone knows why blogger isn't pulling up the full resolution image and seems to be pulling a lower res version than what I'm giving it, I'd appreciate the help. I love Goggle, but sometimes they do some wacky things I don't get. These are tack sharp, or should be. Ugh.

Doing It For Myself

I wish I could remember the number of times a photojournalist has told me to not focus on shooting for the office, for the paper and instead shoot what I want to shoot. I'm okay at this, not great, but okay.

So recently I acquired a phone with a camera and text messaging (my previous phone I bought around 99' and at that point was fancy because it was digital. This new phone will hereafter be referred to as the "iWife".) This has resulted in me texting all day long. It's like swapping notes in class.

Somehow in the mix of all this I got to talking to a friend who lives in the desert these days about fall colors, and started sending photos taken with my iWife of fall colors, and now other random things, mostly with greenery. Reminders of leaves.

The funny thing is about this, I tend to like more of the photos I take with my iWife than with my other cameras. There is something about doing it for someone, doing it for fun, doing it for myself which makes it more rewarding.

At first when I made those images I didn't put much work into them, point the iWife and push the button. As I've done it more I've started putting more effort into the images, why make a crappy image when I don't have to? Why isn't this photo for a friend as important as any other photo? Why isn't it more important?

It's fun. It's really out of my norm. It's not the kind of camera I like. It doesn't give me the control I like. No shutter speed, no ISO, no white balance, no place for me to decide, for me to decide anything and while that encourages laziness, there is no reason I need to be lazy about the images. No room to crop later. Just shoot it, and send it right from the phone. Imperfect everytime and the better for it.

Now, mind you, the photos don't have to fit a story or purpose like my stuff for the paper so they tend to be more "pretty pictures". They tend to be images that will mean something to me and my friend, nothing more, but in that, I think they mean more than a lot of the other images I make.

Kind of sad that all my work can't mean as much, but I'm proud that some of it does.

Ah, the Repetition of It All

I've been to this event, I think, 9 out of the last 10 years. Regardless of the exact number, it's a lot.

On one hand there is the sheer repetition of shooting the same things, year after year after year after year. In all likelihood you just end up with small variations on the same images year after year.

On the other hand there is a kind of lazy comfort, you can get your job done easily and quickly, and there is an opportunity from that to try some new things because once you're covered, why not ?

Things to Remember

I got to set-up the strobes more often. It just helps out so much sometimes. (I'm not saying it's a good photo, it is a business portrait after all, just that it would be so much worse without the additional lighting.)

The Nature of Time

Editing photos is an interesting exploration. Sometimes it's very easy, often it is. Softball, get the ball in the damn frame, get some action, whatever, move on. Not very tough. This is true with most of my "work" imagery. It's easy, it's easy because I largely don't care in all likelihood.

Tonight was a bit different though. Tonight I was, did, deal with, only start to edit, the first review really, some images I had been emotionally, mentally, preparing for for months. Tonight I dealt with images I feared.

Over the past six months I've been working on a project, a wonderful project, a project I love, but a project which has created some great images through some moments I would never give up having witnessed and hope to never experience again.

A few months back a pretty major event occurred, and I was privileged enough to be able to document it. During the process I reviewed a few of the images on the back of the camera, some portraits, and they stopped me in my tracks, in my head at least. I kept shooting, kept working, kept doing what I needed to do. But in my memory were those portraits. I couldn't not have them in my head, rolling around. I wanted them gone.

What she choose to share, the images haunted me, her generosity, kindness and openness amazed, still amaze, me. I couldn't deal with the images, and I knew it. This has never happened to me before. Through the months of hard images, this had never happened. So tonight, over three months later, I knew I needed to deal with them. I knew the images were images that needed to be dealt with, edited, but I've just been afraid to look at them. I've been afraid of what they mean, what they mean to me, and afraid to "re-live", afraid of being reminded of that time, and most of all, those images, I knew they would just hit me, hit me hard.

I opened them, and scanned them for maybe 10 seconds, then I had to walk away. Luckily, happily, while that was happening, a friend called (thanks Ya Looblue, you have SuperStar timing) and I was able to talk through some of it, and be distracted, get happy again, before getting back to editing.

Editing through them wasn't a long process in the end, but I still want to block those images from my memory. Hopefully they'll help and effect some other people some day, today, no matter how happy I am that those image exist, how honored I am to have been allowed to make them, today I want to forget those images exist.

Ewwww....Cooties

This is just a few quick grabs from the last few minutes of a friend's birthday party. I normally don't go for cute, lovey dovey crap, but hey, we all got to branch out every once and a while.




Anyhow, this is the birthday girl Nora, and her man toy, Jason. They're good together. I like them together. She is so out of his league. And yeah, they make me want to puke also, but you still have to give them credit, they are cute together, even if disgustingly so.

I also probably should have edited this tighter, really one or two would've done it, but I'm not going to right now. It's late, and I'm tired. I'm also not so sure on the sepia toning, haven't done it before, but for some reason it felt right. I'll change my mind in the morning.

It's all so Zen

I'm going to start with some tangents then get to the point, as much as I ever have one, a few paragraphs on. The imagery is from polar bearing, the Chinese New Year's Parade, a Snow Skate event (think SSX Tricky, and the only story assigned by the office, for you PJs), Information Superhighway's performance, and The Afterlife's performance. All the photos are from Friday night through Sunday night, and if still got leftovers for future posts. Ha!

There is just way too much to talk about from the past few days. Busy, busy beyond all recognition. Last night I got to turn the TV on for the evening news, tonight I watched my taped episode of Coupling (btw-I started watching this program a few months back, and it just kicks ass. Hilarious. Plus that whacky British humor kick. It's on PBS.) That hour of TV has been all my free time for the last 5 days, and I hope it never ends.

It's been nothing but edit, shoot, drive and talk about imagery with amazing photogs. Life is nothing short of grand. (I should note here, that I feel a little bad saying that as numerous of my friends have had really bad things happen to them this last week. And while I may be having a great week, that they are all in my thoughts and heart. If any of you need a hand, and I've said this to many of you already, let me know, I'm here and it would be my honor to make your life a little better.) Thursday a friend went out of her way to set-up some free tickets to a show for me. Totally unasked for, so kind, and wow, talk about setting a great tone for the weekend.

Friday after hanging with some friends, and running into a cool new friend totally at random, I got to see my favorite singer, the incredible Leslie Beukelman. (And if you're cool, and I know you are, you want to see Leslie perform with my favorite tap dancers, Chicago Tap Theatre, in what will surely be an awesome performance, Mixology. Buy tickets now, it sells out, every show last year. Guys, you will impress your gals, with your class and taste, trust me.)

Saturday I got go Polar Bearing (I will go into depth on this in a bit, it's the zen of it all.) And that night hang with some of Chicago's, and the country's premiere photographers. (Don't believe me? Go here. Some of the presenters, showing the best in unused political photography coming out of the primaries. It makes me sad for newspapers that this doesn't get used, but I'm not surprised either.)

Sunday was the Chinese New Year's Parade, which was just all kinds of cold. Sunday night (Fri and Sun were both at Silvie's strangely enough and Sat was at a house two blocks away, weird) I got to see one of my favorite theater groups turn band, The Afterlife. Whacky fun. I like theater people, I tend to get them, usually because they're insane, so we have something in common. Plus I got to finally meet a friend (this whole Facebook/MySpace/Blog (FMB) world is weird. People I've never met know me, and I know them. Well at least this weekend I got to meet both of my FMB friends who I had never actually met.) who I've been having some pretty kickass conversations with.

Damn, I mean, damn, can life be better? Oh yeah, to top it off, I was on fire. I was like a drunken teenager in a car on a Saturday night in nowhere Texas with a baseball bat and nothing but mailboxes in front of him. Just hitting everything, everywhere. Not perfect, but solid hits all around.

Alright, too the much delayed point......Zen.

My mid-day Saturday shoot, or one of them was the Lakeview Polar Bear Club's 7th Annual Celebration of Shrinkage. For those who don't know, Polar Bearing is basically jumping in a cold, or in this case, literally freezing, lake, for...fun? I've wanted to do this for years and because of recent acquasitions by our company, was able to self-assign it for work. All the time I had for prep work basically consisted of calling Brian and getting some tips; sandals so submerged ice cuts your feet less often, a nice robe so you can quickly disrobe and re-robe, things like that.

I knew there were going to be a multitude of technical issues going in. Not that cameras don't like either the cold or water. Who would've thunk it? Plus an event I have a minimal understanding of and have to cover with a minimum of equipment, again, due to the whole "water problem". I made sure my camera was set-up before hand to be as quick and responsive as possible, basically, all manual. As old Leica ads used to say, "A camera that doesn't get in the way of taking the picture." Plus it was going to be quick, maybe a minute, maybe less I had been warned and the people I really wanted, the newbies screaming, probably meant a 15 second window for what I needed. This was going to come down to one, maybe two chances and that was it. Plus there were going to be a host of safety issues, as I would be in literally freezing water. Dead photographers don't make good photos, basic rule. Basically I knew it would be great. I love intensity. It's passionate. Yeah, baby.

So I get changed, btw-you know you're in trouble when you are taking your clothes off on a beach, in the snow, and when you pull your long underwear off, and you have swim trunks underneath, so I get changed, get some "before" shots. Whatever. I end up standing around for a few minutes in my hat, sandals and swim trunks. You'd think this would be really damn cold, it was in the mid-20s after all, but I really wasn't. This was kind of the theme for the day.

I set-up to be able to enter the water about 5 seconds ahead of the pack. I wanted to be able to get people if it was shocking right as they entered the water, and as I wasn't wearing a wet suit, it needed to be as little lead time as I could get away with. Safety was a constant in this plan. I entered the water well everyone else was still about 30 feet away, so the first few seconds I got to be in the water without having to, being able to focus on shooting. This is, actually, a bad thing. See I got to feel my feet lose feeling, in what I would estimate to have been 1 to 2 seconds. But once everyone else started hitting the water, it was totally different.


When I shoot, not always, but when I'm there, when I'm in the zone, I'm there, totally in the moment, totally aware of my surrondings, totally aware of what is occurring and totally focused on what I'm doing, on the image I'm making. I think, but more than that, I react, I follow instinct and training, years of training. It's a hard to describe combination of being in the scene, feeling the scene and floating above it all. I believe as a journalist I have to report what is there, but to capture the emotion, I have to be open to the emotion, and sometimes, feeling the emotion. I have to let that feeling, in this case, damn cold, into me, but flow through me. It has to flow through because well I need to feel it to use it to guide my imagery, my creation process, I can't get overwhelmed by it. Sometimes I do get overwhelmed by it, and that's hard on many levels for me, but as much as possible I need to not let it stop me from doing what I need to do.

So once all the participants got in the water it was all shooting. Turn here, look for this shot, turn there, try to get that shot. I don't remember my legs being cold, but they could've just been numb at that point. And while I remember my feet being cold initially, there is something shocking I don't remember. I didn't go that far out, that deep, but I got above my waist in the water, I know this because my trunks were soaked when I got out of the water. Not to be blunt, and while the ladies will understand this, the men will truly get this, I don't remember the boys hitting the water. Maybe they went numb to quick, whatever, but this is one of those moments you expect to hit you, like that drunk teenager earlier, except this time I'd be, or my boys more accurately, would be the mailbox. As a guy, any water below a nice warm bath tub, or a jacuzzi, ahhh jacuzzi, is a memorable experience and not in a good way typically. This one, which may have been the worst ever for me, I didn't even notice. I was too focused on getting my shots, on what was around me.

It just amazes me how focused the mind can be, how it can allow all the necessary information in and discard everything else, regardless of how...profound, it may be. I ended up being in the water for about a minute and seven seconds (I'm taking that time from the time stamps on the images.) I left, I think I left, when I felt that I was starting to enter a time frame where safety issues might start to appear. Plus most everyone had come in and gotten out, so my shots had moved to people getting dressed and such and were no longer in the water. I didn't think about it much, I just knew that's where I needed to be, and moved to be there.

I spent the next 30 minutes, maybe more, in my wet trunks, my sandals, with wool socks on now to keep my feet warm (if my feet are warm, I'm warm), my winter hat, and my awesome royal blue heavy cotton robe. I wasn't cold at all. I shot people getting warm, drinking hot chocolate, doing all the "after" things you would expect. Plus I ran into one our freelance photographers and we chatted for about 10, 15 minutes. The photo community is small, it's always good to get to know people, and help them when you can, because someday, you'll probably need it in return.

But my favorite point in shooting, the experience I live most for, is not when I see that final image. It's for the moment shutter is open, it's when everything is around me, I know what's happening on all sides, and the shutter is open, making that image. For that split second an exposure is being made. That is my moment in life. That is the moment I live for. Not all photography is like that, a village council meeting? Who cares, it's got to be done, but I'm not into it. Those intense, beautiful instants, when it's all about feeling, instinct, passion, and the moment, that beautiful moment, is like nothing else. It's probably the closest I'll ever come to that Zen mediation feeling of being totally empty, without thought. Luckily for me, I get it regularly, or fairly regularly, and nothing can replace it.

Can life get better? And if so, can my heart handle it?

Damn that guy in the background

Why? Why? Why?

It's so close to what I previsualized for the event, so close to what I wanted, now I have to figure out how to crop it to make the guy in back less intrusive.

Damn it, damn it, damn it, so damn close.

(If you have any crop advice, feel free to let me know, I've got 24 hours.)

Cup: Half Empty or Half Full?

It's always an interesting question. I can positively, and definitely say, I see it both ways. (And in the political spirit of the season) I wholeheartedly admit to flip-flopping, flip-flopping like a pack of teenage girls on the beach, on this issue. One day one way, one day another. So, what I say, here, now, is true for today, tomorrow, we'll see....

So recently my "daytime" employer, thee who provides me health insurance, bought several new newspapers (new for us.) We went from having 6 weekly papers to 9. The 3 additions are also a significant hike away. This will most severely effect the circulation staff and the photo staff, in my estimation, because we're the people that have to travel there. No way around it for us. We have to be on scene, we can't work via phone calls and email.

Of course, my first response is panic. Change causes fear in many people, me included. I believe this is natural, and good. Change is symbolic of food or shelter being at risk, and people want to live. I want to live. I want to live my happy, shiny little life. That has been largely my response, and is going to continue to be part of my response till I see how this all works out.

My belief is that photo doesn't have the resources to do the job properly. The company's position is that they've added the resources they can, and that will do the job, and otherwise we'll find a way. (Hmmm...the staff wants more, the management wants to give less than what the staff "needs"...this song sounds familiar, like the song sung at every company everywhere, except maybe Google. I don't want to work at Google, or own Google, I want to be Google. Someday.) Where it all lands? Who knows? Give it a few weeks to a few months.

To date, what I've been seeing is the company believing I should work 70-hour weeks, and that all the photos should just magically get done, somehow. I like to think of it as the "Photo-Fairy"(picture me in a tutu with a wand in one hand with a magically light weight pro-body and lens combo on the end, just taping people and getting photos and floating over traffic.) Now, my publisher expects a lot out of the photo staff, but he's not inhuman. The problem is, he doesn't understand photo. He's a writer, writers never get photo. They've never done it, don't get what's involved except in rare instances. Alas, my boss (photo editor, PE) and I aren't good at communicating our workload to the office. We're always on the road, I only go in when I have to and call when I have something to talk about. They know as little as I show them.

The solution? Better communication, better self-management. I need to realize my days are going to be full. Every day. Previously some days were full, some over-full, some downright slow. As a colleague (Strazzante) once said, (I'm paraphrasing as I don't remember exactly, but it's a great sentiment) "I average 40-hours a week, but I don't work 40-hours any one week." I've had weeks hit 70 hours in 5 days in the past. I never minded that much, as much as I get kind of pissy and bitchy those weeks. Why? Because some point down the road, I'd have a 30-hour week or less, and maybe a few of them. Over a year, I'm guessing I averaged 45, maybe 50 hours a week. I can live with that.

Now those slow weeks are gone. This means, no more sprints, but a constant marathon. I have to work 50 hours a week, but not more, not more because I won't have the slow week to walk after the sprint. It's a constant jog. The office won't be able to see how much I work, they don't do my job, they don't know. I have to set this pace, and they have to respect it. That's all they have to do, is respect the limits I set and listen to what I'm telling them. Hopefully they can accomplish this. I don't usually give them credit for this, but this is often unfair, as I'm bad at communicating the limits to them, and why.

So hopefully by managing myself better, I can keep the potential bad of this growth at bay. But the good? That had been simmering in my head, but really hit today, and it involves, of all words, bhangra. Yes, bhangra.

See, over the summer, I went to one of the Millennium Park Dance Festival events of band that was recommended to me, Funkadesi. (FYI - they are absolutely awesome.) I learned how to bhangra dance at this event. Good times. Need to do that more. Apparently bhangra is a from of traditionally Indian dancing, I learned this at that point. I need to do more of it, just an FYI.

So today, I'm driving down Devon, in one of our new neighborhoods (I have no idea what neighborhood mind you), and I realize I'm in a heavily Indian neighborhood. "Hmmm..."(he says in his head) "wonder if I can find some bhangra to shoot for these new papers." That sounds like fun.

Then it hit me. Duh! Okay, we now have some freelance budget, so if I'm booked, it's not as bad. If I limit myself to the jog, and don't get burned out, I can take the chance to explore these new neighborhoods, which I've been rather interested in since this acquisition was first announced. If I do some research, learn what's going on, where, and find the visually interesting ideas, as long as I stay ahead of the writers (which is like hurtling a cantalope, not much more than walking) I can save them the effort of finding photo spreads and drop-ins, and create my own. Writers are inherently lazy people (I really rather like writers, and by writer I mean reporter, not real writers, oh yeah, bring it on, and respect them, really, I do, they just don't plan well, as a group. There are some wonderful, marvelous exceptions. Yeah, and photographers are pre-Madonnas, we are, which is one of the common complaints. That and all women think we're hot. We are. Just suck it up writers, Photographer equals sexy, don't be jealous. Don't be hating.)...where was I? Oh yeah, writers are always behind on their photo requests and don't like doing them. So if I can find ideas for those imagery needs first, they'll be happy not having to do that work, and not get in my life with they're non-photogenic ideas. (I kid you not, "They're doing this old time radio broadcast. This should be really cool and interesting, let's get 5 images out of this!" What about "radio" says "visual"? People standing by a mic, one prop person.) This is a good thing. I get to photograph more photogenic subjects and events, and do more of what I want.

I'm a believer in chaos. Chaos is good, just follow me here for a second. In chaos, the people who usually come out the other side in the best condition are those who are best trained, most intelligent, most adaptable, best prepared, and generally, strongest (in which ever form the word "strong" need take.) I've been through chaotic times with other companies in the past, I've done well, quite well. I believe, if I take control of my situation, I can come out the other side, doing more of what I want, less of the reporter requested schmuck grip and grin, ribbon cutting crap. Maybe I can even book all my Friday and Saturday nights October through March and not ever shoot basketball again. Okay, that might be too much to ask.

I do have about 20% of the city of Chicago to work with. I might, just might, be able to find a way to fill 30, maybe 40 hours a week, with what I want. Okay, that might be high, but you never know.

I'm not sure how true this all is. I'm not sure that I'm up to the challenge. I'm not even totally convinced the opportunity is really there. But maybe it is. Just maybe.

And tomorrow? Tomorrow the world be crashing down again. Oh well. (I'm smirking here.)

No School Like the Old School, Again?

Someday I'm going to learn to stop unlearning things.

Many a year back I used to use test strips, many test strips, during many hours in the darkroom. The test strip, for those of you who never hung out in the darkroom, which is the high school equivalent of the college bar. (Well, maybe not, but it's sounds like I was more fun when I say that.) The test strip is a thin strip of paper, that you made a print on, a small portion of the final print, to figure out your exposure and contrast and test to make sure things were coming out alright before dropping the dough on the full sheet.

I took my darkroom down about 5 years back. The "digital darkroom," which sounds downright sexy compared to "home office," took it's place. I haven't done a test strip in that time, till tonight. See a few weeks back I got a new toy, unless you're the IRS, in which case it's a tool to expand my clientèle and avenues of distribution for more imagery and increase my name recognition to generate sales of fine art prints and increase my speaking revenues. Also known as, a really cool toy. It's a 24inch wide printer. I got it for "Summer Love". Those images are going to look so sexy when I'm done and they're 23x31 inches. Oh, they're going to be hot. Like my hair.

Anyhow, I haven't calculated out the cost per square foot of print yet. I'm to scared too. Suffice it to say, "not cheap", will be part of the answer. (replacing all 12 ink cartridges will run roughly $700-$800. Add paper on top of that. Ouch time. And if you want to know why I'm too broke to go out for drinks. Yep. Why I'm working every day, this year. Yep.) So I'm back to doing test prints.

I find it hilarious how the longer I do this, the more I go back to what I did when I first learned how to do this.

On the edge

Just as a pre-cursor here, and because I'm thinking about it right now. Diet Sunkist with Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, kinda tasty. I'm going to have to work on it, I don't have the ratios quite right yet. I can get it to start with a good Dr. Pepper flavor with a hint of orange then have it finish with a nice strong Sunkist kick. But I'm not quite there, yet. The ratio is something like 10:1 Dr. Pepper to Sunkist too, it may go even higher by the time I've figured it out. I've never had a mixing ratio that high before. Anyhow.... (and yeah, I need something productive to do with my life.)

One of the skills, thought patterns, I've been working on improving is spending less time working the event, and more time working the edges of the event. The center of an event often has a lot going on, but it's predictable, it's easy. The edges, where the people are there, but aren't necessarily, are so often more. They speak more to what people are, and less to what they want to project to be. They tend may be more into the event than those that are there to appear to be in the event.

Cases in point. The man dancing. I can always groove with a guy who will dance to the music, unself-consciously. The man sitting by the wall, maybe homeless, maybe not, I don't know, was way into the music. He would occasionally shoot dirty looks at the talking couple, not in a mean way, but just in a way that you knew he was appreciating the music. He had a great little wry happy smile, that I wish I could've got just right, but never did (well I may shoot for publication, sometimes it's better to remember than to capture.) He was also very kind, anyone who wanted the seat in front of him he generously extended his hand to say "you are welcome to sit here" even when it was going to block his view. The band was good, don't get me wrong, but so much less interesting to watch than the people watching. (It's like the zoo, animals, cute, fun. People? Now that's just fascinating, and a reason to go. Whacky species them homo-sapiens.)

And yeah, I've been going and shooting the Cultural Center during their lunch time jazz performances, because really, if you could go listen to a 45-minute jazz concert and call it work, legitimately, wouldn't you? My job may not pay much, so hell, I might as well be happy. And I am.


Now, the one thing I would change, of my three primary work cameras, all three have something busted on them. Buttons not working is the top problem. I was really enjoying when I could only trust the auto-focus on one of the cameras, and that camera can only auto-focus in the middle of the frame. I don't own a single camera with a totally working auto-focus mechanism. Alas, one of the questionable focusing cameras went and had the whole shutter mechanism break, so that's off to Nikon tomorrow. The Canon with the sticky focus button I can do on the fly fixes for, but it's annoying as all get out. It's tough to manually focus well when you can't even see what's in the viewfinder. (I like dark places. It probably goes along with, I like challenges.) The auto-focus doesn't do well in those situations either, but if I can get it to catch I know I'm in the ballpark. Alas I can't go a week without that camera, it earns me too much money, and I'd really rather not drop the cash to buy a replacement, for a week. Few more months, the new version will be out, and I'll buy one of those. Life is funny.

No School Like the Old School

I believe in looking back only as much as it teaches about the present and the future. What's done is done, money spent is gone, what investment can I make in the future?

So hence you'll rarely, read probably never, see images older than these, unless you are at my house rifling through boxes, which either means I'm sleeping with you or I'm dead. So, excluding those two, these are about as old as you'll ever see. (And the only reason you're seeing these is because I had to do some copy work as a favor for a friend, so since it was set-up I figured I'd shot these at the same time.)


These two images are part of a series of six or seven images, the others I need to find, they're in a tube somewhere, of self-portraits. I seem to be a lot of self-portraits lately, so this is a kind of compare and contrast. These images are from when I was 20, in college at U Iowa (Go Hawkeyes!) and very depressed.

I was done, I was cooked, it was time to leave the oven. Believe it or not, I didn't party enough, I was working too hard and just spiraled down and down. Sucked at the time, looking back at the images now, worth it though. These have been some of my favorite images of mine for years.

I look forward to making better images than these, as challenging at it will be to accomplish.


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On a completely different note, Seagrove tea, Wow. Just wonderful, a tint of orange I think, but whatever, it's delicious. My whole body just relaxes drinking this stuff. And the smell while you're brewing it, yummy. I love yummy.

I feel good.

I Am My Own Student, Or How I Schooled Myself

So many a moon ago (I'm going to start measuring my life in moon cycles, just for giggles) I taught a digital photo 101 course at a local community college. Working with the students was a really good time, as most everyone who has worked with students will attest too.


I would get my students going, a few weeks worth of shooting, then I would force them into a month of black & white only imagery. I did this in part because I grew up on good ole' black & white Tri-X, and later many other black & white emulsions.

I thought it was educational to learn in black & white. It simplifies an image to a more graphic construction. My students always hated it for the first 2 weeks or so, then a few, not all, but some, would fall in love with it. They also became noticeably better shooters during this time. In part because they were starting to hit the steep part of the learning curve, but also because many used color as crutch. The color in an image was used to create the image without as much composition. When they went to black & white it really forced them to compose, to think more about it. (It took me a few semesters to figure this out, and why this was happening.)


I have been digital for about 6 or 7 years now. Rarely have I shot film since the switch. I have a few times, but probably not even 30 rolls. (30 rolls = 1 weekend) I have also had to start thinking about everything as possibly making page 1, or another color page, so I have to think in color for that. On top of that, I don't adjust my own images for print (a decision I see as increasingly bad and hope to get changed this year) so I don't see what my images look like in black & white, at any point.

Then, a few weeks back, I got an infra-red camera. This is essentially a black & white only camera. So now when I shoot with that camera I look at the LCD and see not color, but black & white. I forgot how much I like, no, love, black and white. I forgot how it affects my thinking.

So guess what I figured out in this process? I've started using color as a crutch, just like my students did at the start of their semester. Isn't it always about going back to the basics? Luckily, happily, and in way that is providing me with great joy, I found a way to deal with this, or at least have a little fun. (Remember when having fun used to be getting drunk? Now it's in creating a little different. And I'm happier this way too.)

I can set my cameras to capture images, from the get go, in black & white. This means when I review images, I see, black & white, shades of gray, when I'm trying to decide how to change an image. This seems to be helping me simplify, and work more directly, compose better, my images. (Yeah, these images aren't anywhere near my normal subject matter. On the other hand, life is slow right now, and when I want to relax I go take scenics photos, because really, what did you expect me to do? Not take photos, and call that relaxing? Hah!)

"But what about your need for color imagery," you may ask? For the shooters amongst you, I do only raw captures, all the time. For everybody else, the files my camera make contain all the color info, it's just the preview image and default, but changeable, conversions settings that are black & white.

So I can think black & white, and my designers can have whatever they need, and we can all change our minds later. Everybody wins, which is the best thing around, with "Josh Wins!" being a very close second.

An Ode to Failure

Okay, "Ode" is a little overblown, and failure is only in my mind probably. With those stipulations....

(This all revolves around the image at left of the dancer "flying".)

I can't find the quote unfortunately, even after much looking, but some well known photographer once made a comment about how it was better to have an interesting failure for an image, or when making an image, than a predictable success. Basically, screw-up, but take something cool away from your screw-up.

So, in this case, I ended up in theater much larger than I had been expecting to photograph Aloft Aerial Dance. (I'd love to desribe what they do, but I don't know how. It's all up high. It's very cool to see. Very pretty, but that statement fails in terms of depth. Anyhow, see some aerial dance if you get a chance. Good stuff.) Back to photography...Actually not a theater but a church, no pews, (whew) but comfy seating, with 2 balconies, for 8000 (at least that's what I think he said, at least 4000 otherwise.)

Fine, my life is about the unexpected, I like that. I worked with what I had, shot what I could, how I could, tried to make it work. Now, the other problem here, is that with a stage for a room that size, I really don't have the glass I'd want for it. Again, make it work.

The bigger problem is I didn't know the performance, I had never seen it before. I didn't know where to be when, what was coming. See, I don't care what has just happened unless it illuminates what is going to happen. The past is gone. I can't make a photo of it. I need to know what is next so I can make a photo of that. With a stage that large, that means having to move, maybe 50 yards or more to get into position. This means planning, which I couldn't do. Nature of the beast in this case. C'est la vie. I'm better prepared for next year.

So, take some chances and find a way to make it work. This is what I get paid for after all (though this was actually another of my happily pro-bono jobs. They are so much better.) I'm not a 100% on the "flying" photo, not even close. Given the choice, I want face, I always want face, this has been drilled into me for years, to my detriment. No face, I just don't normally plan for someone to fly 30, maybe 40 feet over the audience. My bad. So, shoot from behind, the focus is a little off (ankles are in focus, the rear foot is just a hair out, we're talking maybe a few hundredths of a second to traverse that distance, but I still want the rear foot in focus.)

The exposure is okay, background generally works. As a failure, I like it. It has some interesting ideas. I want to re-crop it to give a little more on the bottom now that I've had a day with it. I can play with the idea again in the future, better.

Maybe that's what I like about failures though, "better in the future". Success closes off the future to some degree. Been there, done that, next. I like that I can re-examine, learn and improve. Yeah, anyone can do that all the time, but I like having a new idea to play with to improve. It's like having a new toy.

Hence, an interesting failure it is, better than the safe "successes".

Random Little Thought II

These are from Wednesday evening, a charming, and odd (odd is such a good word to me) little group, Aloft Aerial Dance.

The blue image is more technically accurate to the scene, but I just like the red one. She is more a more natural color, and I like the red. The red wasn't really there, it was actually a normal/whitish colored light, but when you adjust the blue lights to look white, the other light goes red, way red. I like the red, but I'm not completely comfortable with it.

It also changes the mood, a lot. She's an angel here, in the red image, she looks like an angel, kind of, but descending from the red light district. (no offense intended)

In the red one the grid is less strong, prominent, also, and I just don't like the grid, I want the grid gone, gone, gone. Ah well.

I'm also quite happy she didn't fall. It would have hurt like all hell for her, I'm sure, I'm also quite sure she knows how not to fall, but it also would've killed me as she probably would've landed on me. As ways to go, not the worst, but I still got a couple more years of stalling in hear. Just one of those things you think about after something is hanging a few stories above you by a cloth.

Anyhow, back to photo choices...which way to go....

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Also, I've decided, for about the third time, to add a new recurring theme...What I think about while "driving" on the Ike. (Yeah, this is going to be just over the top ridiculous, and I know it.)

Half of my job description is "sit in traffic" so I use this as contemplation time, usually about my life, it's direction, things that need to change, etc.

Currently I'm wondering about the breadth of experience vs. the depth of experience. I think I have a great breadth of experience, but is that depriving me of, or is something depriving me of, a depth of experience, or am I just spending too much time sitting in traffic and contemplating bs. And what would define a "depth of experience"?

What You Wish For

I have a lovely little apartment. Well, I have a little apartment that I have lived in for about a decade now and has to deal with the destruction that is my life.

Anyhow...the floor of my apartment isn't well insulated from the basement. So my floor is often a little cold, not a lot, but just a little, just enough that I'm a little cold much of the time. My wool socks get plenty of use. Hmmm...I see a trip to Campmor.com when I'm done with this post. So for the last few weeks, I keep thinking, "I just want to be warm, I just want to be warm."

I should have termed that better. "I just want to be warm in my living room." I was not planning on being in a 110-140 degree heat (amazing how much the temperature can change in a few feet) with a 100% or so humidity and 5-10 naked men. Ahh...bathhouses, such fun.

So a couple of problems here. It's cold outside, it's hot inside. I'm mostly outside, and dressed for such. This means I'm uncomfortable inside, at least when inside is 110 and up. I could wear a towel for the shoot, but I have equipment that must be kept on me, flashes, lens cleaning clothes, etc, so that means I keep the pants. Heavy pants and no shirt just looks silly, plus, I don't really have time to change for the shoot as, is always the case it seems, this is very last minute and I haven't had the time to devote to this shoot that it needs.

That raises another problem. When shooting swimming one of the recurring problems is that when you go into an 80 degree room from the cold, water condenses on everything, especially the glass. This means you can't see, or shoot, squat for 10 minutes in some cases. In this case, it means the glass fogs up after 3 seconds, for the first 30 minutes. Wipe with lens cloth, shoot really quick, wipe, repeat ad infinitum.

Add to this, everything has to be shot from low, you know, like I'm looking up towels, because at a normal sitting height, it's about a 100-110 degrees. At the same height as standing on a chair, it's about 40 degrees warmer. Hmmm...things I forgot about bathhouses. (yeah, numbers change due to guessing and the fish being thissss big.)

Oh yeah, it was dark too, not the Leslie like black hole dark, but definitely dark. For the photographers amongst us, f2.8, iso 3200, 1/4 of a second. Fun.

It is an environment with a lot of potential, if I can create the time to spend there, and do it right. And if nothing else, the guys were plenty nice, understanding and accommodating of what I needed to do.

Suffice it to say, I was warm, plenty warm. Wasn't quite the plan otherwise. It's sort of like I have my own personal Genie, with that classic Genie sense of humor, and not in that "I Dream of Jeannie" kind of way. Bummer on that last part.

Random Little Thought

I'm not sure what to do with this image. It's close, but I don't know if it's a hit. I like the blur, the color, the person in the background I'd rather be gone, but I can live with them, and I'll bring them down a bit given some more time in post. But it just doesn't come totally together, not yet, but it's close, it's got the pieces. Just bugs me. I'm not sure what to do, or if anything can be done. It's one of those hits to right field that's going to die in the corner and be a triple, but lands just foul, not even by inches. Damn.

I So Belong in Journalism

I suggested that I write a story about the Mitchell Elementary School Science Fair. This was also so I could lock the time into my schedule and be a judge, because on my list of "Dreams I've had since I was twelve" being a science fair judge was still not checked off.

So yesterday I went and did the judging. I grinned the whole way home. A grin the size of Jersey.

All I had to do was write the story.

Now, I started this blog, and continue this blog to help me develop a better writing style, something more, "Me". And I think it's helping in that goal. I think I also need to write more story style bits now.

Around 9pm or so I get started. I stall, I procasitnate, I watch a Star Trek Voyager, I watch Star Trek Deep Space Nine, I decide not to watch a movie, because that would be gratitious, I wander around the house looking at the photos on my walls instead having imagenary conversations, check Facebook about 30 times. About 3am I decide I need to sleep. I've transcribed some quotes from my tape recorder by this point, and written two sentences. The piece needs to be out around 8 or 9am. Set my alarm clock for 5:30am. In my world 2 hours of sleep is perfectly acceptable, and depressingly normal.

Get up at 6am. Check Facebook, you know, for all the stuff my 10 friends might have done between 3 and 6am. Read the newspaper, online of course. Check Facebook again, for all the things my 10 friends might have done between 6 and 7am. I've worked on writing the article at this point, a little here, a little there, but I can't find the flow, the groove. Somewhere around 7:30, maybe 7:45am, I find the groove, write the whole thing in about 30 minutes. Edit the photos, and done. It's not great, but not horrible, and hopefully my editor will bring it up to good.

Come on Tim, I'm counting on you.

Massive procrastination is really required to work in journalism. It always gets done, just barely.

Ambiguity vs. Specificity, in the Great Smackdown, Part I

Yep, I got some free time today, so more words. I may even have a third long post today, because if I've got free time, it's only logical that you do also. (The images will have some caption info at the end for contextual purposes.)

So I've had this discussion in various forms over the last few weeks and months, and I'm sure I will continue to. My thoughts are not fully formed on this subject, so it's a work in progress. If you've got some insight, great, please share.

I'm developing a greater problem with words as an expressive medium. This is somewhat humorous as this blog was originally created to help me develop a better written style, one with more of a voice, more of my voice. And I feel it's doing that quite well thank you very much.

But I still don't trust words.

Originally it was because words are too easy to lie with. You want to spread falsehoods, you just state them. But I don't think that's entirely it. I think it may that words are just inherently inaccurate, and of all the bs statements, inaccurate in their specificity.

Sure words are accurate for creating bridges, killing elephants, and pointing out how it's your partner's turn to do the dishes, though throwing a dish at them is a more fun second option. (FYI - I'm not the thrower, I'm the target. I dodge well, better than you'd think.)

And well those uses are very necessary, for expressing the human condition, the soul, emotions, words are sorely lacking.

I have an internal dialog, I suspect most of us do. My mind is in continuous conversation with me. Hmmm...how did I react to that? Why did I say that? Hold on, she did this, and this, and this, shit, she was flirting with me, why didn't I notice, again? This is what happens when you spend large quantities of time in the car, or that's what I'm going to tell myself.

But if I say, this person is my friend, I'm feeling happy, I want dinner, none of these statements get across the real feeling. This person may be my friend, yes, but I also admire them this much, respect them in this way this much, want to emulate them in this way, want to help them in this way, laugh with them and at them like this. The statement , "this is my friend" is so empty of context, of depth of the richness of my feelings.

Sometimes, just sometimes, someone will put into words a feeling, something you can touch, hold and know in your heart. Usually it's in poetry or song, and in song there are so many additional layers I don't know if it's fair to call it the words, but I'll use that example right now because I recently heard a lyric on one of my favorite songs that really gets to the point of a feeling.

Jeff Buckley (What? You don't own any Jeff Buckley? What's your problem Willis? Get Grace), from the song Lover, You Should Have Come Over, "my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder". It's one line amongst many beautiful lines in the song, and gets across that feeling of yearning, that soft simple act of love, so well. I have no doubt it works so well because Buckley's voice is perfect for the feeling also. Some words are perfect, like Buckley's in how I feel them, most are okay, many are total failures. C'est la vie.

By not using the words specifically though, by describing the act, the moment, the feeling is created better than by stating the feeling directly. Words provide too clear a road, too clean a road. The roads of emotions are unclean, cluttered, messy, wrought with the detritus of our histories. By stating what is meant, the statement is stale of life, by stating something else, it becomes alive.

I didn't intend to argue that words had any emotive value, so I'm a bit confused at this point. Did I mention, "not a fully formed idea" yet?

The beauty of many of the arts, and this includes that line, is that well it reaches to us, the listener, the viewer, the consumer of the art, we have to reach to it also. We have to bring our life experiences to the art work. By bringing our own understanding, we make sure the "love" is not love, it's love, it's lust, it's yearning, it's pain, it's loneliness, it's the messiness that we are, that our lives are. The word itself, on it's own, is sterile, our lives are anything but.

In the world of photography I send unclear messages all day. Their is no written, clearly defined lexicon of meanings. Sure, certain views imply certain things, there is actually a quite humorous, for me, and quite accurate analysis of sports jubilation and dejection photos which classifies almost all those images into about 4 or 5 categories. The runner with his arms stretched high, what does that mean? Besides boring, of course.

So yeah, there are some common tools, but not like in words, not an attempt to mean one thing for everybody. And it's that ability to not mean one thing that the emotive impact is born from. I may take a photo that says attraction, but it may also have all those other little bits, lust and admiration, curiosity and desire, fear and loneliness, that make the attraction so much more nuanced and powerful than attraction.

Also the image comes without the loaded gun effect that words have. A word like attraction imposes a certain pressure on many parties. Yet feeling that feeling, doesn't mean that pressure need exist, but the statement of it's existence forces certain responses, responsibilities, on people.

I know for me the removal of that loaded gun allows greater freedom of expression. I can sit around all day and think about what I feel, welcome to what you do in the woods by yourself for 4 days, but the words I think in are never as clear and revealing as the image is. If I want to know how I feel, I think about it, but I also look for it. Before how I feel is clear in my head, it is clear in my images. My images are able to say what I am as of yet unwilling to say, unable to say, or too unaware to say. And when the statements are in that form, I'm comfortable with them, at peace, un-rushed, unhindered by their existence.

Reading the image is not that clean road map that the word is though. It takes some experience reading that road, hell, even looking for that road to be able to spot it, it's not well marked, but it is there. It also takes confidence to look at the image, here the back of your head say, this feels like excitement, this feels sadness, this feels whatever, and then trust that feeling, that intuition. Trust that the feeling has a place, a reason for being, and a willingness to step out on the limb, take the shot as to the meaning, and maybe be wrong.

Reading art, whatever art form, takes effort. Just as it takes effort to create the work, it takes effort to read the feeling in the work.

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More lyrics to finish up, same song, though really, you should just listen to it.

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun And much too blind to see the damage he's done Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one So I'll wait for you... and I'll burn Will I ever see your sweet return Oh will I ever learn Oh lover, you should've come over cause it's not too late

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1st image - from July of 2002, the week I landed my job as a photojournalist. I was a little excited by life at that point.

2nd image - I needed to show the height, I hate heights, with a passion.

3rd image - from this summer, when I felt (and still do) happier, more alive, more free, more satisfied, more heavenly than I've felt in lot of years.

4th image - gets the idea across sure, well done for what it is, but the typical elements.

5th image - from the start of relationship, during that stage when it feels good, the other person is nothing short of incredible, and my heart just went pitter-patter. For more explanation see image 3.

Cooperation and My Decision

Sometimes in life it's about working with people, and the bringing the skills and energy of both together create more. Sometimes, well, sometimes, it's better to provide a person with a more limited set of choices.

These two scenarios are very different, but in someways, relate, so just trust me for a little bit here.

First there is Meagan. She is 10, and a nationally ranked wake boarder. I don't ask certain questions, like "Why do they rank 10 year old female wake boarders?" I just nod and smile. So the photo request is basically, "cute kid photo". Right.

Take a fair number of photos of her, I'm feeling okay, but not good, so I ask her if there is anything she'd like to do. She starts hamming it up, sometimes all tough, sometimes all modelly, whatever she felt like. I had just let hamster out of the cage and it was now tearing around the room. She had been kind of somber, serious, then she got all happy and was having a good ole' time.

As I see it, she wanted to set her image, she wanted to create the view of her, rather than have, probably yet another adult do it for her. And it worked out all for the better. Some of the photos I know we won't use, but we may choose one of her having more fun for the one image we do run. I hope so.

On the other side, and the identity here will be obscured so as hopefully nobody knows who I'm talking about, out of kindness, (though to be fair, I will happily have the discussion with the performer, but I believe it is between me and the performer), but I have a performer who I made some images of who needs further assistance in helping choose their imagery.

To be less vague, but still vague, I took a number of photos of a friend/performer as a favor. I then gave the performer some nice cleaned up images, and as is my normal, but sometimes bad, habit, I also gave them access to some of the outtakes. The reason I give performers access to the outtakes is in case what they are looking for, the image they are looking to craft of themselves isn't represented in the images I like.

Usually this works at least okay. In this case, limits will be placed in the future. The photos the performer has chosen to use are images where the face is in total or near total black, washed out white, slightly out of focus, etc. There are some really nice, clean shots, moody, attention grabbing, etc. Those are the unused images.

I don't get it. I've got some guesses, but they are only guesses as to what this performer was going for. Could be business issues, could be personal, could be combo, could be anything, I just disagree.

Yeah, these are currently only small web images, but I'm me, and I don't care, and I demand the best all the time.

Oh well, maybe some further structure in the future will help. I'll try that and see what happens. Alas, this performer is really quite good and I'd like to help this performer out. And will, even if I don't agree, and don't understand.

On a side note, I think I like the Cha-Cha. I got done with dance class tonight and was Cha-Chaing down the aisles of Jewel.